when the bell tolls，i know the ceremony is about to begin.
it‘s a family tradition，held every eighteen years on this day，where the family hosts a grand and luxurious sacrificial rite to honor our supreme deity.
two
and i am the sole priestess in this ritual.
three
dressed in the intricate vestments of a priestess，i board the palanquin bound for the temple under my mother‘s worried gaze. before departing，i follow the old customs of the family and bestow the priestess‘s blessing upon the unborn child in my mother‘s womb.
four
the temple is built atop a mountain，and the palanquin stops at the foot of the hill. with a devout heart，i ascend the stairs leading to the temple one step at a time.
the path is long，and the ceremonial robes feel exceedingly heavy，yet i do not sense the expected weariness.
from birth，i was taught to shoulder the responsibilities of a priestess.
five
upon reaching the temple，i see everyone brimming with hope，tears welling in their eyes. they retreat naturally behind me，igniting the candle in my hand. i understand that the path ahead is mine alone to tread，for no one other than the priestess is allowed inside the temple.
six
the temple is dark; the door opens briefly before closing again. holding the only source of light，i slowly make my way inside. i swear that no one has ever entered here，for if they did，they would witness the bones strewn across the floor.
seven
upon seeing the so-called deity，i am not surprised. i merely undress，making myself ready for the ”deity‘s” feast.
eight
from the very beginning，i knew i was the sole offering in this ceremony.
nine
the child in my mother‘s womb is born. that is the next offering i leave to the family，the next ”me”. in eighteen years，he too will become a priest.
ten
the ceremony will not cease; all will be trapped in the cycle of rebirth. and i，i write the beginning of this tale.
第4章 《富士山下》《昨日重现》
《富士山下》
beneath the fuji mountain
一
我在富士山下卖苹果，一半过去卖给自己，一半未来卖给行人。
i sell apples at the foot of mount fuji，half sold in the past to myself，and half in the future to passersby.
二
苹果本就甘甜，我从不多加叙述，那些前来的人们自然会吃下这份无味的甘甜。
apples are naturally sweet; i never elaborate much，for those who come will naturally partake of this sweetness without flavor.
lonely people grasp reunions，sorrowful ones seize joy，feeling life within happiness，then pile up tall tombs with wild grass，constructing apple trees veiled by dust.
四
待到春天，我会摘下苹果树的苹果，然后哭泣，在原地不停徘徊，画地为牢，最后将苹果树砍去。
when spring arrives，i‘ll pick the apples from the apple tree，then weep，endlessly wandering in place，drawing a circle as my prison，finally cutting down the apple tree.
五
我也将自己种植，可树枝上空无一物，像是快要自尽的词汇，连同伤口一并揭开展露。
i also plant myself，yet there‘s nothing on the branches，like words on the verge of suicide，exposing wounds along with themselves.
六
有风吹过，天地寒冷，于是我披上了灰烬的衣裳，挥舞起斧头，将自己一并砍倒。
a breeze blows，the heavens and earth grow，and so i drape myself in ashes，wielding an axe，chopping myself down together.
七
我在富士山下卖苹果，一半死亡卖给自己，一半怜悯卖给行人。
i sell apples at the foot of mount fuji，half death to myself，and half pity to passersby.